September 27, 2010

Missing Pieces

Sometimes you meet someone you really want to be close friends with... get to know... maybe you see a little of yourself in him or her... or maybe you see someone you want to be more like.  You feel a connection.  You think they do too.  You want so much to be best buds and share the world together.  But ... sometimes these people don't want to be your friend. 

That's Hard.  But It's Okay.

I have gone through much of my life wanting to find that kindred spirit-type of friendship.  The one where you laugh, you cry, you share... all without speaking a word.  Over the years, I have met one or two of those people who just "click" when I was with them.  But for whatever reason, those friendships haven't stuck.  It's as if I wanted to be friends... close friends... with that person, but that person didn't feel the same about me, even though they appeared to enjoy spending time with me.  Over the years, I have been pretty severely hurt by this.  Two people in college... one or two friends since I moved out of state... and even now there are "friends" in my life who hold me at a distance.  Of course, we live quite a distance apart so perhaps I feel that as well.  Perhaps I hold myself at somewhat of a distance now, out of self-preservation.

But they are people who interest me to no end... who draw me in with their kindness, their passion for {insert topic here}, their creativity, their empathy, their love of life, their ... sameness... in their struggles.  I yearn to know them better, deeper... to have that kindred call answered and responded to in kind.  To find those missing pieces.

But sometimes...most of the time... I must accept that it is not meant to be.  And sometimes...most of the time... I need to accept that there is no apparent reason for this.

And it's hard, but it's okay.


  1. Sounds as though you need a {{{{{{{{{{{great big Huggles}}}}}}}}}

  2. It is a shame, Kai, that those people have no idea what they are missing out on by not getting to know you better. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

  3. I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling at the moment and I hope you are feeling the support from your blogging friends.

  4. Wow...this is one of the best posts yet...I so get this! I'm in touch with this completely!!! For me, long and short distance friendships are tough due to my family and job...its like I never seem to have the right time...not enough time, but time when its if there is a huge time difference, or if they work nights and I work days...When I'm finally winding down and can sit at a computer, they are just getting home from work and not yet ready to wind down...or something like that. Written correpsondence is kind of cool for that cuz the person who writes it feels like they are connecting in that moment and then when its the right time for the receive to read it, they feel like they are connecting in their own moment...I have an acquaintance who will answer the phone for anyone when I'm with her, but never answers my calls...I stopped hurts too much...very interesting topic!!!


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