August 6, 2013

Feeling Stormy...

© Dave Winfield | Dreamstime Stock Photos

Today I am filled with disappointment.  Disappointment in the life I am living, the choices I have made and now live with the repercussions and mostly, vast disappointment in so many of those I have let in and held close to my heart.  I am disappointed in the choices those people have made and sad that the future, which is now, did not turn out to be what I had hoped.  I am filled with shadows and it is hard to climb over them, or move around them or push through them to see anything that is shiny and wonderful.  I am disappointed in myself for not Seeing the reality, having instead chosen to follow my heart.  Following your heart is supposed to be a good  thing.  But my heart has been left battered and bruised.  It is hard to know, now, when to follow my heart or when to capitulate to my logical brain, my embittered conscience that now guides me with doubt and sarcasm.

I am entering my middle life and hate looking back with wiser vision and seeing where I could have possibly changed my life had I only made a different choice.  I realize that I would probably still make the same choices, and then where does that leave me?  Right back here in the shadows.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not ungrateful for all of the good I have in my life.  My life is not horrible by any means.  I had just hoped for more ... or better... or just different... than where I am at now.  Because of that disappointment, I have a hard time moving forward, because by moving forward, I need to accept all that has been.  Accepting that is so very hard when I am so filled with unhappiness regarding how things have turned out.

I know that tomorrow will be a new day.  A fresh start.  I know that I will continue to move forward and fight the disappointment again.  Today it was just overwhelming.   But some very wise people have assured me that it's okay to feel stormy now and then.  

Thank you for the butterflies.


  1. Sorry you've been feeling so stormy today. I hope there is a lot of sunshine in your future (and I know there will be)!

  2. Please allow me to remind you that whatever you did right, whatever you did wrong, the successes, the mistakes are all part of the past, part of a time where you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources available to you at the time. You can't change it, all you can do is let it go and move forward. Like the quote on the canvas I sent you - you can't go back and make all the details pretty - you can only move forward and make the whole beautiful.

    Reminds me of a quote that I featured on my blog back in December of 2011:

    "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Hope the storms pass soon and you find some sunshine up the road!

  3. hmmmmm ... holding you in love and light. I am so impressed that you created space to just own your feelings, be with the disappointment. You didn't choose to shame yourself for what you are feeling. That is truly beautiful. And thank you for being honest and vulnerable.


I love hearing what you have to say. Thank you for sharing yourself with me!


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