February 15, 2011


I've been struggling.  My  journey with my trainer and my fitness has been stalled.  Well, that's partially untrue.  I visit my trainer faithfully, now to be known as The Sadist.  And before anyone gets upset about my nickname for her, I call her this to her face, so it's nothing truly nasty.  And before you decide to object still, consider this:

a)  When I text her the next day after a work-out and whine about hurting (and we're talking hurting as in difficulty moving my legs enough to walk), her typical response is something like, "good!" or "Hahaha" or "Yay!" or "Good job!".  Sadist.

b)  When I am working out and I say, "I can't do anymore" she says, "do three more".  And I do.  She counts. Slowly.  Sadist.

c)  Some of her first words upon arrival to her house typically are, "where does it hurt the most?" with a smile on her face.  Sadist.

So, while I have been visiting The Sadist faithfully, my eating has been... less than stellar.  Habits are so hard to grow, and so hard to break.  I have been at a sort of "plateau" for months now... since The Hubs got sick back in November.  Then came Hunter's cancer... then the holidays and a scrapbook retreat... you know, LIFE.

I think I have a lot of stuff going on inside my own head that needs to be meshed out... and I think all of that black gobbeldy-gook (yes, a technical term here) needs to be cleaned up before I can focus my energy on the outside of me.  Anyone out there experience this ever?

And now I have the Dr. Pepper song running through my head:  I'm a slacker, you're a slacker, he's a slacker, she's a slacker, wouldn't you like to be a slacker too?

Sorry about that.  However, in the meantime, I do just feel like a slacker.  A failure.  Even though I'm NOT failing.  I'm just stalled.  I KNOW I'm not failing.  But that old black sludge just keeps bubbling up and trying to tell me I am.  So... like Tinkerbell needing claps and "I do believe in fairies" to stay alive... help the Slacker out a little here.  Just remind me that progress takes time and as long as I keep looking forward and not back, I'll eventually reach my intended destination.

Sorry for the blatant cry for pats on the back, but trust me, they're needed.  Or else I might become a permanent slacker. 

No, The Sadist wouldn't allow that. 


  1. How many pounds have you lost? How many inches? How much fitter are you now than 6 months ago? How much longer are you going to listen to the lying voice in your head? You KNOW that you can do this! I KNOW that you can do this. So does The Sadist which is probably why she is so hard on you. So give in now to the voice that says 'Way To Go' ~ believe that voice, boot out the other one and get on with it. You know you're worth it!!! ;o)

  2. Not sure I can add much to Bernice's great cheer, but I'll try.

    Look at it this way - every time you visit The Sadist you are moving your body more than if you didn't go. That's progress.

    And I'm willing to bet that even though your eating hasn't been stellar, you have been OH SO MUCH MORE AWARE of the choices you are making. That's progress.

    And you know even as you are putting that chocolate chip cookie in your mouth that you are self-sabotaging (oh wait, that's me...). That's progress too. And you are not alone.

    My point is, be gentle with yourself. Ask yourself why you are choosing something you know isn't healthy or appropriate to your way of eating. Learn from your inner authentic self what is going on. Give yourself time. This is a journey. Not a race. There are no brownie points for rushing things!

  3. Loved Cheri's words!! Just echoing an amen! (Now off to quit slacking myself!!) We can do this!!! Yes, we can!

  4. Buck up Buttercup...You CAN do this and you WILL....I know you WILL...just keep on doin it...You know what you want and where you want to be...YOU are in control and YOU are the only one that can make it happen..we can just push you along as you go..and help dust you off when you slide a teensy bit...hang in there babe..xoxo


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