April 19, 2011

Changes & Struggles


Thanks you all for your comments yesterday.  So many of you pointed out my honesty and I wanted to also thank those of you who mentioned it, as this means you have forgiven me for my April Fools prank.  Your forgiveness - and sense of humor -  is greatly valued. 

And to continue on in my "honesty"... bear with me as I circle back to this topic.

As I have previously briefly mentioned, and as you can view on my foibles page, I am on a weight loss & better health journey.  I have no desire to be "skinny" or to fit into a certain societally 'approved' size of clothing.   But I do have the desire to be strong, and to be able to walk long distances without feeling like I am breathless or dying... and to not carry a body mass index (BMI) higher than "overweight", which would be a vast reduction from "morbidly obese" where I am at now.

Allow me to digress... "morbidly obese" is such a nasty term.  I know I carry way too much weight for my 5'1" frame, but I'm also very healthy for being at such a high weight.  Tell me... how can telling me that I'm "morbidly" overweight be seen in any positive light?  I mean, really... doesn't that make you just want to give up and lie down in a grave right now?

Okay, sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.  Anyway... my official current journey (as I have been on many) began last year in June.  I was so excited with my first few months results from the choices I made and then life "hit" and things slowed down.  I'm now  progressing  at  a slower-than-a-snail-in-winter's pace.  I have recently begun to focus again, and have a goal for my birthday in May.  Let me share with you some of my new(er) changes:
  • Refocus on clean eating whenever possible
  • No grains or starches after 2pm, preferably after lunch
  • No cakes, cookies or brownies (although I did have a piece of my dad's cake when I was home in NY... but only one!) - this was a Lent thing, and a challenge with a friend (who gave up coffee and chocolate), but I'm hoping to take it on as far as I can go with it.
  • If I must have a sweet, eat fruit or dark chocolate (70% cocoa or higher) and not after supper
  • Eat more beans, which in  fact have become a side dish instead of grains or potatoes in the evening - I just had some very tasty seasoned sauteed chick peas
  • I have also been attempting to add a day of walking (30-60 minutes) into my week, but since my treadmill is not functioning right now, and the weather has been mostly rain (as in flash-flood downpours with some hail) this hasn't been going very well
Okay, so here are my struggles lately..
  • First, in getting ready to post this (in the hopes of rounding up some encouragement from all of you kind cyber friends), I updated my fitness foibles page with my stats from the beginning of this journey.  I was re-excited by the beginning and very dejected and angry at the recent updates.  I feel like I have been wasting more time, and money, and this often causes me to spiral out of control.  So I'm struggling to NOT let this happen this time.
  • The bratty, selfish inner-child is constantly battling my logical inner-adult.  "I want, I want, I want!" battles with the "You shouldn't", "not now" and "wait for your weekly cheat meal".  I am sad and slightly embarrassed to say that this inner-child wins way more than she should, and that is not healthy for ME.  I don't seem to know how to win the wars against her. 
  • The rule of "no grains/starches after lunch" is challenging because it seems to be all I focus on.  Even though I'm not hungry I want that pretzel or whatever in the afternoon.  Or the starches at night, which I know are a silly way to keep from going to sleep when I should go to sleep.  I think  this ties in to the inner-child above.  I'm telling  myself I can't have something and that inner-child is freaking and battling that decision.
  • Sleep.  I know how important sleep is to both health and weight loss and yet, I find myself staying up at night way too late for appropriate sleep to occur.  It's another stubborn streak in me... I tell myself, "go to bed" and still stay awake surfing the internet, watching TV (repeats!) or some other non-productive happening.
Does anyone out there have difficulties with that inner-child controlling you?  What has been successful for you in dealing with this beast brat?  Please, I'd love some tricks and tips... on any of my struggles!  Because it's time for me to refocus on this.  Way beyond  time!  Your assistance in prodding me forward is greatly appreciated.  Really... push me!


  1. Hi Kai
    I struggle with the inner child too. but I haven't any suggestions except join something like Slimmers world or Weight Watchers, with like people around you it is supposed to be easier to stick to the diet.
    I'm afraid I have given up and let my cravings win. but at my age I think what the heck

  2. I'm not sure of the logic of no grains after lunch. I also think that the minute you ban something it becomes a must have. So be gentle with yourself. A balanced varied diet is what is needed. A piece of chocolate here or there will not harm you. I went to Rosemary Conley which is like WW with exercise and her mantra is to choose food that has 5% or less fat. I don't know how that works in ounces cos we use grammes. So it's 5g in every 100g which is how the food is labeled.

  3. I'm a Rosemary Conley healthy eating girl and I follow her diet plans. The 5% fat rule is an easy one to follow. Over here in the UK all food has a chart on the back to say how much calorie/fat/sugar/starch etc there is per 100g so it's easy to find. But also, the minute you say you can't have something, the more you want it and it's all you can think of! It's not easy is it? Good luck!

  4. This is magnificent...honestly, my inner child is in control very little...I have too much to do. but in eating, she gets a lot of control. I should teach her more discipline!

  5. I just read a post this morning (I'll have to find it and email you) about a Greek classical philosophy that played into these two statements: "Know Thyself" and "Nothing in Excess". I've found that banning myself from cookies and brownies leaves me feeling left out, deprived, angry, and resentful. So I'm trying the "nothing in excess" route for now. I'm still logging but stopped trying to limit to 1250 calories/day. My body seems so much more satisfied in the 1400/1500 range. Trying to make healthy choices most of the time. Not sure I'm succeeding yet. But it's all baby steps!

    And this is the second blog post of yours I read today that covered a topic I had been "blogging in my mind"!

  6. I too am on a weight loss journey and I never thought of my issues being "inner child" but after reading this I think it's fighting me for sure. Sorry I have no suggestions. You can do this. I'll be cheering you on.


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