I read (or was told) this next bit when I was in college and at first was horrified that someone would write this to her parents, and then at the end thought, "what a great way to show someone some proper perspective!"
Dear Mom and Dad,
It has now been three months since I left for college. I am sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date but before you read on you had better sit down. Okay?
I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and concussion I got when I jumped out of my apartment window when it caught fire after my arrival here is pretty well healed. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get these sick headaches once a day. Fortunately the fire and my jump were witnessed by Roger an attendant at the gas station, and he was the one who called the fire department. He also visited me in the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. He is a very fine man, and we are planning to get married. We haven't set the date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. His divorce is final now, and he shares custody of his 3 children.
The reason for the delay in our marriage is that Roger has a minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.
Now that I have brought you up to date I want to tell you that there was no fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphillis, and there is no divorced man in my life. However, I am getting a "D" in Art and an "F" in Biology and I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
For some reason this stuck with me through all of these years and it was actually running around in my mind when I was writing the post from yesterday. I've been so upset about my non-working toilet that, to me, that post of April Foolery was just what I needed to give my own self proper perspective. Anyway, thanks for indulging me, I apolgize profusely if I really freaked anyone out...
... now back to regular programming.